rediscovering painting
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“But Still I Persist,” stage 2
0953 days
Okay, got it this far tonight, it’s after midnight and I need to go to bed now…
Boy howdy, this self-portrait has been difficult. Not sure how to quantify or classify that statement, but I think it’s because I’m going for bold colors (the red background is right out of the tube) and I’m going for a VERY flat texture (as opposed to my typical impasto), and because this one has a lot of details.
I still need to do a bit on this one and it’ll probably take all of tomorrow night’s painting time:
- outline with black lines (my colorful black, which is ultramarine and burnt sienna)
- put in some detail on the star – I think I’m going to trace along the inside with red
- put in the curlyque
- lettering, lettering, lettering. This will take most of the time. And lettering in oil over wet oil isn’t exactly easy. Maybe it’ll be tacky enough tomorrow that I’ll not have any issues
Self-portraits are curious things. My wife asked me why I don’t just be honest and stamp “I am awesome” across the top, as if the self-portrait is an homage to myself. I told her, jokingly, that she doesn’t understand my art. She replied, seriously, that I’m right, she doesn’t.
But I’m okay with that. Because my art is for me. I love to share it but, even if it doesn’t sell (and right now, it doesn’t, because I’ve just started), I’ll keep doing it. Always have, always will.
Sometimes I wonder
0955 days
Sometimes I wonder if I’m going down the wrong path with my art. So many great artists do the “traditional” thing. While I use a fairly traditional method, my results are not something that would fit into the nice, neat categories of still life, landscape, or portrait.
Sometimes.
Then there are other times when I question myself, censor myself. For example, I’m an atheist and I see a lot of god-culture crap around me. I see a lot of church-state issues. I see a lot of zealots trying to ignore facts to get their church’s viewpoints made law for all to follow in obeyance.
It’s hard for me to say, “Fuck it” and do what I want to do, say what I want to say. “Oh, better not say that, there might be repercussions,” and “Uh oh, that might piss off so and so,” and, worse yet, “I won’t do that even though I really want to because it might impact my art market.” I don’t even HAVE an art market yet, and I’m worrying about it.
Fuck me.
So I’m going to do this self-portrait series that I started yesterday and sketched out another idea for tonight’s painting (inspired by Hazel Dooney – again) and just be me. It’s called, “And Still I Persist.” It’s all about me. Isn’t it always?
So if I say, “Fuck your god,” then it’s no personal offense to you, really. Just fuck that god that keeps trying to creep into my secular society.
And if I say “fuck” a whole lot, then so fucking be it! It’s my artwork, it’s my world, and I have to live it. Besides, nobody cares, so I’m told. I’m also told that I should ignore everybody. So I’ll selectively take that bit of advice, thank you very much. I’ll just create my art in my own little hole until I’ve got about 20 pieces or so to start to share. Which should be in about a month.
In the mean time, I’ll still have the nagging thoughts. I’ll still censor myself, despite efforts to the contrary. I’ll still wonder. And I’ll still say “fuck” a lot.